Dale Carnegie's timeless classic "How to Win Friends and Influence People" is a book about building winning relationships, both business and personal. As an example, his advice about how to make people like you states...

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.


2. Smile. (i.e. Have a sense of humor)


3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.


4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.


5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests.


6. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.

The Golden Rule puts it even more concisely: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
It is this attitude of beneficence that truly puts the "social" in social media and should be an ethical standard to which we all adhere. The trouble is many of us (me included) tend to focus largely on ourselves and our own interests rather than others. That is a strategy for social media failure if ever there was one.
Following are success stories from three people who have come to exemplify this attitude in their use of social media to build business relationships.
Charles Lauller's LinkedIn Strategy
Charles Lauller, SVP of Sales for Bizzuka, who is professionally and personally a very generous individual, learned this lesson the hard way with his initial foray into the use of social media for prospecting and lead generation.
Charles is an avid LinkedIn user who pro-actively connects and networks with others on a daily basis. His first attempts proved fruitless, however, because, to quote Charles, he focused on "pimping Bizzuka and its products." He quickly learned that no one had an interest and changed his tactics to something that, frankly, was much more of a comfortable fit, that of expressing sincere interest in learning about others and offering help.
That altruism turned things around. "Eventually they run out of things to say about themselves, and start asking me about my business," says Charles. The result is he gets between two-five warm leads per week which, according to him, is about the equivalent benefit of making 200 cold calls. "And no one slams the phone in your ear either," quips Charles.
I asked Charles to outline his approach to building business on LinkedIn and he said:

1. Drop all of the bogus I'm pimping me and my company bologna.


2. Be yourself. Honest, sincere, authentic (assuming that's you) But, whoever you are you will likely attract individuals like yourself to your network.


3. It's cliche, but "seek first to understand,then be understood." I always (when seeking to expand my network and connect with people) learn about them from their profile, and ask how I can help them. I've found that when I continually ask others how I can help with recommendations, referrals and/or introductions, they usually want to reciprocate.

Amber Naslund Keeps it Real
Altitude Branding principal and fellow Daily Fix blogger Amber Naslund is another person who understands and employs this "how to win friends" ethos.
This giving attitude has made Amber a rising star. For example, her blog, The Brand Box, routinely garners as many as 30 or more comments per post. Keeping things real is her key to social media success.
"I wish I could tell more people to be real, and quit trying to be everything to everyone," says Amber. "There will always be critics, detractors, and folks you don't click with. But you'll reap far more rewards by investing your time and energy in those that you DO connect with and figuring out how you can be helpful to them. Give first, and often. Getting happens naturally."
While not stating it explicitly, Amber pays homage to both Carnegie and the Golden Rule. "The funny thing to me is that these social media tenets aren't new. They're basic, common sense fundamentals of communication and customer service," shares Amber. "I think we're remembering them more than we're inventing them. It can be as simple as treating others the way you'd want to be treated yourself."
Beth Harte is Not About the Numbers
Beth, a marketing consultant and Daily Fix contributor has, like Amber, also gained quite a bit of attention lately. Though she admits to not having a plan for social media engagement early on, Beth says "it's not about the numbers AT ALL. It's about the people I meet and the conversations that I have or are privy to learn from."
In keeping with the theme of focusing on others, Beth shares these ten guidelines:

1. Be real, honest, authentic, transparent (it's what customers/prospects/the community wants)


2. Provide valuable content, conversation, help, information, etc. and your community will raise you up


3. Be accessible. Your community (customers, prospects, etc.) want to know that they can have a conversation with you, that you will talk back and answer questions, etc.


4. Generate conversations that others can join and invite others to participate


5. Listen to other people and their opinions (You just might learn something)


6. Ask questions. Usually you are asking what others have been thinking


7. Help other people including your competition (perceived or not) and have conversations with them. Most customer problems/challenges are industry problems/challenges.


8. Put other people first


9. Listen to your community and learn


10. Surround yourself with people that are smarter than you (hat tip: Mack -- he said it best)

Conclusion
While it may sound trite or cliché, this "do unto others," "give and it shall be given" ethic of reciprocity is universal. Every religion from Buddhism to Zoroastrianism contains some version of it in their tenets, and Carnegie certainly understood its implications for business.
As you grow in your apperception of how to make social media work as a sales and marketing tool, try putting it into practice and see if you don't experience the same benefits as Charles, Amber and Beth. You never know until you try.
What are some ways you've seen this "give first" attitude work in social media marketing? Please feel free to share examples from your own experience and that of others.