Yes, of course spam is a nuisance, but it can also be a source of inspiration. Take five minutes to scan your junk folder, and you just may find the marketing headline you need. Or at least the start of one.


I harvested 25 headlines with potential. (All of them up for grabs.) And I've loosely categorized them according to five tenets of persuasive writing outlined in "Writing Web Copy That Works" – capture attention, hold interest, answer questions, overcome objections, compel action.
Let's take a closer look. First, here's the list of winning spam subject lines I chose:
Got a second
Still working on it
Grand message, you must read
Momentous note
Know this is private
Still upset
Tell em the answer
Commercial persuasion
Sorry about earlier
Chagrin
Requesting a brief discussion
Weighty letter
U on board
Start winning, stop dreaming
Don't get left behind
Call me at this number
Arrangement airtight
For the idea that wasn't there
At a safari
Watchdog freight train
Boorish predestination
Fond broom
Disposable slingshot
Shocked diplomats
Cubicle remover
Let's examine the headline potential of each of these.
Headlines that capture attention
These four spam headlines all succeed in getting their point across in 6 seconds, widely recognized as the time a headline has to hook a reader:
Got a second
Still working on it
Grand message, you must read
Momentous note
The first two examples might need a dash of specificity and some punctuation. For example: SEO? Got a second? Or perhaps, That basement renovation: Still working on it?

The third headline – grand message, you must read – is bit obvious, but with the right context it could work:
Grand Piano Ownership: Grand message, you must read
Grand Hôtel in Stockholm: Grand message, you must read
Grand Cayman Islands: Grand message, you must read
Momentous note is wonderfully cryptic and interest provoking. Weighty, consequential information is about to be revealed: Read on!
Headlines that hold interest
OK, you've captured attention, now it's time to reward your readers with the deeper story. These junk-mail gems just might do the trick:
Know this is private
Still upset
Know this is private sidles up, whispers in your ear, and promises confidentiality, perhaps even friendship. Still upset is perhaps a better title for a novel than it is a winning headline. It evokes teenage angst or adult betrayal. Save it, all you Lulu novelists.
Headlines that answer questions
Once you have those readers hooked, answer their questions with these spam spectaculars:
Tell em the answer
Commercial persuasion
Tell em the answer is a bit obvious (and lacking an apostrophe), but I can see it working for a skills-building course that guarantees higher test scores and greater confidence: Next time you're called on, tell 'em the answer.
Commercial persuasion makes me laugh. It's what copywriters do for a living.
Headlines that overcome objections
Whatever product or service you're trying to promote, someone will raise objections: price, timing, location, capabilities, features, or in the case of these spam headlines, a previously damaging business relationship:
Sorry about earlier
Chagrin
Requesting a brief discussion
Weighty letter
U on board
Headlines that compel action
The first three headlines below are old-school direct mail champs:
Start winning, stop dreaming
Don't get left behind
Call me at this number
Arrangement airtight
The last – Arrangement airtight – might serve as the concluding headline that cinches the deal.
Other spam spectaculars
These spam prizewinners are difficult to categorize, but nonetheless useful as idea starters:
For the idea that wasn't there. Let's hope no one is saying this about your marketing campaign.
At a safari. Wonderful! Guess the contract is all wrapped up.
And finally, a list of quirky adjective-noun combinations:
Watchdog freight train
Boorish predestination
Fond broom
Disposable slingshot
Shocked diplomats
These strange snippets remind me of Noam Chomsky's famous sentence – "Colorless green ideas sleep furiously" – from his landmark book Syntactic Structures. In Chomsky's sentence, the syntax is intact – adjective, adjective, noun, verb, adverb – but the meaning is completely off. So, too, these spam headlines obediently follow grammatical rules, but derail on meaning. That's precisely why they're so fun. Poem or short story titles, anyone?
I'll end this post with my favorite spam headline, at least for now:
Cubicle remover. What a great headline for a high-end interior office design consultancy.
Next time you have a headline deadline, harvest some headline starters. I think it's only fair: spammers harvest our email addresses; we can harvest their subject lines.
And just so you know: Every spam example in this post is a bona fide email I received in Apple Mail on my PowerBook G4.
I couldn't make these up.