On any given day, between 20 and 50 pieces of unsolicited email sail past my spam blocker and into my inbox. When I worked in business development, I purged them indiscriminately. As I got involved with marketing, I skimmed through them occasionally for ideas and inspired copy.

Once I became a writer, I often edited the messages in my head—until the day a direct mailer arrived that set off all the "newbie" alarms and I had to intervene at once.

The following is my response to the emailer. Below that is the original email, with identifiable details withheld to ensure privacy.

* * *

Dear X.

I left Quartesian last year to become a full-time writer of digital marketing content, including direct email like the one I was lucky enough to receive from you.

Before that, I had spent four years in your shoes, trying to do both marketing and sales on a shoestring for a small ambitious B2B service provider. So, I hope you take this letter in the spirit in which it is written: one professional reaching out to another to share insight and offer support.

Getting Attention

Let me start with the subject line. When I get an email from a name I don't recognize at a company I've never heard of with the subject line "Conference Call with Quartesian LLC," I know right away that it's spam. If my assistant doesn't delete it for me, I will do so on my next break between meetings when I get a minute to glance at my BlackBerry.

A better choice would have been something like "WSJ says 40% of B2B providers will include mobile apps into their marketing budgets"—but only if it's true. That way, the email promises to tell me something new or important, and I will be more likely to put it into a "read later" pile—or forward it to a colleague.

Making the First Impression

Let's just say I opened your message in spite of the telltale subject line. I will delete it after I read the first sentence. Why? "I would like to get on your calendar" is the BD equivalent of "What's your number?" Try using it as a pick-up line, and see what happens.

In a live conversation you would first introduce yourself and try to arouse my interest and build some trust. Emails are no different. Of course, stating your purpose up front is important. In your case, though, everyone knows that the purpose of "personalized" junk mail is to get a meeting.

A better use of the 30 seconds I will spend deciding whether to read the rest of your email is to show me what you know about my business that I don't. For example: "Would you like to stay 'top of mind' with your best prospects while making their day a little better? That's just what Mxx's clients in the insurance, restaurant, airline, and many other industries are doing—with the help of our customized turnkey mobile app solutions."

Captivating Your Audience

Does spam really work? Survey says yes, but only when it correctly addresses the needs of a specific buyer segment. But even if I laugh off your first sentence and keep reading, I will delete your message after I read the first paragraph.

Why? Because my clients are businesses. Though they are a hit with consumer brands, mobile apps are still a novelty in the B2B world.

By glossing over that important distinction, you make it clear that you don't understand my business and will waste my time. A better approach would have been to create a separate version of the letter for the B2B segment (even better if you can make it industry specific)—showing the value of your solution to my business, or at least citing relevant market data.

Using Common Sense

Are white supremacist groups your core market? Or did you really expect to score points with corporate America by saying, "Our developers are best-of-breed, based in Nuremberg, Germany. We don't outsource to India or other third-world countries—and never will"?

I am sure you know that most "respected" companies in your target group do outsource to the "third world," as does my old employer, Quartesian. Besides, how do you know that I myself am not from there?

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What's Wrong With Your Email: A Second Look at Proven Attention Grabbers

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Olga Taylor is a freelance writer and a former vice-president of marketing and business development for Quartesian LLC. Reach her via ul23augusta@gmail.com.