When I was young I saw my grandmother writing a large number of letters, so I asked her what she was doing. "I'm writing thank you notes to the people who came to my party yesterday." "Didn't you thank them when they were here?" I asked. She leaned toward me, pushed what I called her 'stern glasses' down her nose, and responded "Of course, but if you take the effort to send a thank you in the mail, people appreciate that. It shows you really care. And its proper etiquette."

While our standards of 'proper etiquette' may have changed a bit over the past few decades, grandma's advice is still quite sound. Acknowledging your appreciation is not only good manners, but makes the other person feel good, and can help strengthen the bond between you. And what works for friends and family works for business as well. As a matter of fact, following the 'proper etiquette' of years gone by could do a lot for your business in the 21st century.

Businesses these days spend a great deal of time and effort gathering data and information on their customers. Here at MarketingProfs.com we've published a variety of articles on gathering and using customer information, both online and off. There has been a great deal of interest of late in personalization of content and promotions, using customer information to develop targeted ad campaigns, and even developing products and product features tailored directly to specific customer segments based on this information. While all of these tools have proven quite useful at identifying, targeting, and acquiring new customers, they have been used less effectively at building loyalty among the ones you already have.

Here are a few ideas, following the 'proper etiquette' of yesteryear, to help retain your customers of today:

1. Say "Thank You." Why not use all that detailed information you have on your customers to show your appreciation for the business they've already given you, rather than just trying to sell them more? You know their address. You may even know their birthday. Send them a card (or at least an email) that simply says "Thank you," or wish them a happy birthday. A caveat, however: grandma didn't send out 20 letters that all read "Thanks Mary Jones for coming to my tea and crumpets party. Come again soon, Grandma Parties, Inc." She wrote personal and heartfelt thanks to each person. While I'm not suggesting that your company send out handwritten thank yous (though I have gotten a few over the years, and I've been a loyal customer ever since), the letter should come from a real individual in the company, and convey a true sense of appreciation. And no plugs for future business. None.

2. Respond Promptly and Politely. We all know the feeling: Calling our bank or cell phone company with a question, and never hearing back from them. Perhaps by the second or third try someone looks at your file and says, "Yes, there is a note on your file about that, we're still looking into it." That should never happen. Never.

Can you imagine grandma saying, "Yes, I've registered your complaint about the burnt cookies, but I see no reason why the cookies should have been burnt. Are you sure you ate them correctly? If that doesn't work call me back and I'll try connecting you to grandpa, who handles oven problems." More likely she would apologize, and promise a fresh batch as soon as they were ready.

The lesson for your business is this: if a customer contacts you with a question or complaint respond immediately. Apologize (sincerely!) if they are upset, and assure them you are working on a solution. Be upfront and honest. If you don't know what the cause of the problem is, or don't have an immediate answer, respond to that effect. Most people would rather get a quick response that says "We're aware you're waiting, and we'll get back to you as soon as we know," rather than no response at all, which is frustrating, and rude.

3. Don't Play Favorites. Try to imagine this exchange: Child: "Grandma, where's my birthday present?" Grandma: "You don't qualify for a birthday present, only new grandchildren do." Mean, huh? Well, you shouldn't be mean to your customers either. Attracting new customers with special deals and promotions makes sense. Offering the first 3 months free, for instance, can be an effective way to get people to try your service and get used to having it, before they have to pay. Offering free months to all existing customers obviously would not be a sound financial decision in most cases. That does not mean, however, that you should ignore your existing customers, especially those that have been loyal to your business. We reward our long-term employees with longer vacations, higher salaries, and matching contributions to retirement accounts. It makes sense to do the same for our customers.

Loyalty programs, such as frequent-flyer programs, get at this somewhat, but the rewards are attached to an action the customer must take. People know they have to buy so many full-fare tickets before they get a reward (and often have to jump through 10 different hoops to use it). While such programs are popular, and can be very effective, occasionally giving long-term customers a reward just for being your customer will have a greater impact, and may even build more loyalty than those loyalty programs do.

4. Kill them with Kindness. That was one of my grandmother's phrases that took me a long time to understand. It just didn't seem to be very helpful when I was challenged to a fight in the cornfield after school. But it makes a lot of sense now, especially in business. Customers will get angry. They will call, write, and email to complain about things you can do nothing about, or cannot afford to fix or resolve to their satisfaction. Few things diffuse an angry situation better than a good laugh. I'm not suggesting you laugh at your customers. That would not be good, especially when they're angry. But taking their concerns seriously while at the same time speaking (or writing) pleasantly, maybe even throwing in a little humor about the situation, can go a long way.

Recently I called a company fuming about being overcharged two months in a row for the same thing. After listening to me go on for a minute the woman said in an upbeat voice "Honey, you are steaming, and I don't blame you. This is annoying, let me try and fix it for you, sugar." Of course, some people might take offense to being called 'honey' or 'sugar,' but I couldn't help but feel better, even chuckle a little. She acknowledged my frustration, apologized for it, assured me she would seriously examine the problem, yet remained pleasant. She didn't sink to my level of communication, and we were both happier for it.

The above are just a few tips to providing better service, and retaining customers. Most of us make an effort to follow modernized rules of etiquette when interacting with our friends and loved ones. The rules translate to business as well. We're all aware these days that it is much more expensive to get a new customer than to keep an existing one. Listen to your grandmother-she could save you a lot of money.