Question

Topic: Advertising/PR

Critique My Email Blast

Posted by Anonymous on 6/17/2006 at 3:02 PM ET 125 Points
I'm getting ready to do my first email blast. I have a targeted list of email, companyname, city and as you'll see below that info will be integrated into each email. I don't want to be labeled as a spammer so the email will come directly from my account to the target's email account and I offer (and will honor) remove requests. I intend to send the message in plain text format.

I won't tell you more about the offer (want to see if you get that from the content!) but pretend you are the owner of "A1 Landscapers" based in Hunstville, AL.

Please let me know of any suggestions you have to improve the chances of success for this blast. I'm sorry the content is so long. If it makes it easier you can send replies back to me directly at richard@topservicepros.com.

Thanks,
Richard

---- begin email ----

To: owner@a1landscapers.com
From: richard@TopServicePros.com
Subject: Listing A1 Landscapers on TopServicePros.com

Hello,

I think we can help A1 Landscapers get more high quality business in the Huntsville area!

TopServicePros.com is a nationwide on-line directory connecting homeowners to local home service professionals and home improvement contractors (check it out at https://www.TopServicePros.com). If you add A1 Landscapers to the directory, Huntsville area homeowners will find your company when searching for your type of service. You will even get to build a custom web page for A1 Landscapers, easily, with no programming involved! TopServicePros.com is by far the easiest way to get your company on the web and more importantly on a site that is targeted to Huntsville area homeowners that are actively looking for services like A1 Landscapers provides.

As you know, more and more people are using the internet as the first source to search for everything from movies to restaurants and even companies like A1 Landscapers. While we encourage you to have your own web site, it is often expensive and difficult to get an individual company web site to show up on search engine results. Because we have many companies listed and are building a popular community, we get many Huntsville area homeowner visits, and once on our web site we make it easy for them to find your company! The homeowner simply picks your service category and enters their zip code. If you are covering their zip code area, then A1 Landscapers will show up on the search results. The homeowner can then click through to see your custom web page and contact information!

The normal price for a basic listing is just $149/year but when I find companies like A1 Landscapers and send this personal email I like to offer a substantial discount. So if you enter the coupon code “0606adea” you will get a 50% discount on your first year's listing fee! But hurry because that discount code expires on June 30th.

You will not find an easier way to get A1 Landscapers on the web for less than $75. If you land just one job because of a referral from TopServicePros.com then the investment will have paid for itself! There are no other charges or “lead” fees, just the flat per year listing rate.

Some links of interest:
URLs deleted by staff Please read our FAQs and Important Guidelines – more information about the service, including instructions on how to log in live as a “demo” company to see how easy it is to edit your custom listing page by trying it yourself!

Please forward this message (including the 50% off coupon code) to your friends who may be interested in this service. If you are not interested in our service and want to remove yourself from my contact list then simply reply to this email with “remove” in the subject line. This email was sent to owner@a1landscapers.com.

Whether A1 Landscapers lists with us or not, I wish you the best success with your company.

Sincerely,
Richard Thoms

President - Top Service Pros, Inc.
Connecting Homeowners and Local Home Service Professionals
Homeowners, URLs deleted by staff
---- end email ----
To continue reading this question and the solution, sign up ... it's free!
SUBSCRIBE
Or, SIGN IN

RESPONSES

  • Posted by michael on 6/17/2006 at 7:42 PM Accepted
    Richard

    Hmmm......

    Can I assume you are not BCC'ing these e-mails and everyone will get a personal e-mail?

    If so, make sure its not hello. B2B e-mails should be more professional. Follow-ups after you receive requests are ok for less formal but try and think of e-mail as you would a regular business letter. "I think we can help....." and you've already lost them.

    I get the offer and the service but I'd rather see you start with something like:
    "Are you still digging/playing/fiddling around witha free website hoping that will get you notice on Google?"

    Also,again you asked opinions, you have too much detail. If they have to scroll you'll lose them. Keep it to no more than 15 lines.

    Michael
    PS The term "click" gets kicked out by many filters. Go with "visit" instead.

  • Posted on 6/17/2006 at 9:24 PM Accepted
    Hi Richard,
    A few comments for you:

    1. Communication should be compelling, strong, and concise. Using words like "I think we can..." feels weak and makes me lose interest in your message. The email is way too long. I'd cut it down to 2-3 pgphs max and include bullet points for key messaging. I know that you don't want this email to be perceived as spam, but the reality is that it will be. So you're going to need an exceptionally strong subject line & intro line. Something that is going to make your target want to read on. Contractors will be intrigued if the promise is more business with minimal effort. Find a way to communicate this in an attention grabbing header.
    2. Investigate a way to measure "click throughs" from your e-blast to your website.
    3. Who do I contact / how do I contact them to sign up??? This is extremely important, but I can't find it anywhere in the e-blast.
    4. Do you have phone #s for these contractors? E-blasts are a quick, inexpensive & easy way to send out a message to many people. But, they're also very passive. Nothing will get you further in the door than a conversation. I'd highly recommend calling the contacts post e-blast. If you don't feel comfortable doing this, there are many marketing / prospecting companies out there who will do it for you.
    5. Since this is a start up and you may have very little information on your target market right now, you may be able to enhance this initiative with insight mining. Before calling the contacts, put together a script (not to read off of, but instead ensure you get all the answers you're looking for). Find out what their biggest challenges are. Find out what they're currently doing to source business. Find out if they're using any competitive websites. Even if they're not interested in doing business with you now, you have an opportunity to learn from them AND leave a lasting impression with them so they will consider you in the future.

    Hope this helps! & good luck!!
  • Posted by jpoyer on 6/17/2006 at 10:01 PM Accepted
    Richard,
    hey this is exciting, your first e-mail blast!! What a great idea and I think you are headed in the right direction.

    I totally agree with your e-mail needing to be WAY shorter. Highlight your main points with bullets, and try to keep each bulleted item at one sentence or less (fragments).

    You have to think about this ... what are you trying to do with this e-mail? Get them to call you? Go to your site? E-mail you for more information? Be specific about the call to action and build your approach around that.

    Also, you might consider setting up a "splash" page for these people to visit which will have information specifically for them.

    I love Michael's suggestion ("Are you still digging/playing/fiddling around with a free website hoping that will get you noticed on Google?") to jump start your appeal.

    Good luck and hope this helps :)

    Best,
    Jennifer
    XPRT Creative
  • Posted by darcy.moen on 6/18/2006 at 10:10 PM Accepted
    Dear Richard,

    Right off the bat, I have to say....I don't like the copy at all. What is it exactly you are offering? What is the deal? What is going to cost? Why should I care?

    Frankly, I'd dump this entire letter and start all over, but this time I would write it from the customer's point of view.

    Dear ,

    Putting you business on the web can be a right royal pain, but TopServicePros has found a way to place your business online and drive interested customers to your business. For the next few weeks we will be focusing on companies in your area, adding as many companies as possible to our online directory. For only 99.99, we add your business to our listings. We'll do all the geeky work, and take care of all the confusing computer stuff. All you have to do is pick up the phone and we'll take care of the rest.

    Call me at ###-#### or email me personally at name@domain.com

    Looking forward to bringing you online in the next few days. I'll be doing a follow up call shortly.

    Your name.


    Yes, you need first names. If it looks like a form letter, it'll be trashed like a form letter. Don;t worry that the message is short, you can always spill more ink and write more follow up messages to build on your message. Its all about communication, and it the beginning of the conversation. Say all you need to say, and get out of the way. If you have more to say, use another message in a couple weeks.

    Short, sweet, and begin the dancing beat. Dance with your customers, and converse. In time, the more you tell, the more you will sell.

    Darcy Moen
    Customer Loyalty Network
  • Posted by Frank Hurtte on 6/19/2006 at 9:50 AM Accepted
    I like the idea. What you are proposing cant hurt. But, I believe the subject and first paragraph need to tell the story much better.

    and, by the way....
    It is 100% easier to be critical than to actually produce the work... I have watched you think this thing through... you are working and moving ahead... faboulous...

    Frank Hurtte
  • Posted by MANSING on 6/19/2006 at 10:38 AM Accepted
    Hi Richard,

    You have received so many comments on your email. I would like to share different things on what are the rules you need to follow for good communication. The following information I have collected while I was doing research on the “Business and email strategy”

    As you know Email is still the top Internet activity. According to IDC, 35 billion e-mail messages are generated every business day; an increase of 25 billion e-mail messages daily over five years. Small business has embraced email as a low cost communication and marketing tool. Email communication is nothing more than write and click ... or is it?

    Richard, now in the Internet age, the email represents the new technology and we must be a master. Following email management tips to effectively take control of your email communications.

    1. Email campaigns targeted with web analytics can produce 18 times the profits of broad mailings. Relentlessly collect customer and lead email addresses all the time. Use a contact management program to handle your growing list.

    2. Customers want fast and easy communication from companies they want to do business with. Your website contact page should have your email address. Asking web visitors to fill in a form to send a simple mail will stop many in their tracks.

    3. Gather more customer information once you have gained the initial contact. If you are worried about being spammed, invest in a good spam protection program.

    4. Never handle sensitive issues by email. The chance for miscommunication can make matters worse. There are times when you need to pick up the phone or set up a face-to-face contact instead of taking the easy way out with email. When you are full of emotions, stay clear of your email.

    5. Don't fall into the trap of reading emails and thinking I'll respond later. Later never arrives and soon your inbox is full of important and unimportant mail.

    6. 10 Second Rule: We all lead busy, time-pressed lives. Receiving a long-winded email with one big paragraph creates a response to file for later use. Readers have a tendency to skim and miss critical details.

    7. Before you send out your email message, edit down to short sentences, add bullet points, and be concise. When someone opens your email they should be able to know within 10 seconds or less what your message is about.

    8. It's the Law: Know the rules of using email in the business world. Be aware of the laws and regulations in your business, industry, country, and state surrounding email usage. Our world is becoming increasingly transparent and customers expect your small business to handle their data in a private and confidential manner.

    I hope this will help!

    Regards,

    M Bhor

  • Posted on 6/19/2006 at 4:46 PM Accepted
    Hi Richard,
    I've taken the liberty of arranging - and deleting some of your copy - to make the e-mail easier and (hopefully)more compelling to read. Below please find a suggested copy format for your e-mail blast.


    Dear Business Owner,
    TopServicePros.com could help A1 Landscapers increase its already high quality business in the Huntsville area!

    TopServicePros.com is a nationwide on-line directory connecting homeowners to local home service professionals and home improvement contractors exclusively in the Huntsville area. (Please visit our website at URL deleted by staff.

    As you already know, from movies to restaurants to roofers and lawn services, more and more people are choosing the Internet as their first source of information when searching for specific products and services. Listing A1 Landscapers in our directory will make it easier for Huntsville area homeowners to find your company when searching for your kind of professional services. Plus, you will even get to build your very own A1 Landscapers customized web page, easily and with no programming involved!

    TopServicePros.com is by far the easiest, effective and more economical way to get your company on the web and more importantly, on a site that is targeted to Huntsville area homeowners that are actively looking for services such as the ones A1 Landscapers provides.

    As our incentive to give us a try, TopServicePros.com is offering a limited time 50% discount off its usual basic listing price of $149 per year - You will not find a more efficient way to get A1 Landscapers on the web for less than $75.00. And, there are no hidden charges or “lead” fees, just the flat per year – and for a limited time only –discounted rate for your listing. (NOTE: If the customized website is included in the 50% discount mention this!)

    TopServicePros.com has many other companies (NOTE: mention several-non-competitive: “such as...”) already
    listed in its directory and it has become a popular site with the Huntsville homeowners community. We get many Huntsville area homeowner visits, and once on our web site we make it easy for them to find your company!

    Here’s how: The homeowner simply picks your service category and enters their zip code. If you are covering their zip code area, then A1 Landscapers will show up on the search results. The homeowner can then click through to see your custom web page and contact information!

    To enjoy your limited time 50% discount offer just enter coupon code “0606adea” – its that simple! What have you got to lose? You will receive a 50% discount on your first year's listing fee plus, one job referral through our TopServicePros.com directory, will probably make your initial investment pay for itself! The coupon code expires on June 30 so I urge you to visit us today and take advantage of this substantial offer!

    For more information about the service, including instructions on how to log in live as a “demo” company go to hURL deleted by staff and see how easy it is to edit your custom listing page by trying out yourself!

    Or, to get to know us better, please visit our homepage at URL deleted by staffor our demo-listing page at URL deleted by staff.

    You can also help other business owners in your area that you think could benefit from this offer by forwarding this message and the 50% off coupon code to them.

    At TopServicePros we respect your privacy. If you are not interested in our service and wish to have your name removed from our contact list, please reply to this e-mail with “remove” in the subject line. This email was sent to owner@a1landscapers.com.

    TopServicePros wishes A1 Landscapers continued business success.

    Sincerely,
    Richard Thoms
    President - Top Service Pros, Inc.
    Connecting Homeowners and Local Home Service Professionals
    Homeowners, Find a Top Service Pro -> Service Pros, Get Listed on the Web ->
    The very best of success to you, Richard!
    Mayrah
  • Posted on 6/19/2006 at 7:14 PM Member
    Hi Richard,

    I was just looping back to this page to see how things are panning out. I couldn't help but jump in once more and give my thoughts on Darcy's post. I absolutely love the angle he's taken on the note. It's personal, but more importantly it will resonante with your target because it solves a problem they have...it takes time to search for business and I'm not savvy enough to create / manage / stay on top of my own website. You are now offering me a solution to this problem. And within 30 seconds I understand what you're offering and I'm intrigued.

    You'll have to determine the tonality of your messaging (i.e. informal vs formal, etc) to suit who you are and what your company stands for.

    Best of luck!
  • Posted by jpoyer on 6/20/2006 at 12:02 AM Member
    Hey Richard,
    I'm glad you posted this because I am really getting a kick out of reading these comments. I'm getting some ideas too. This is really what this forum is all about, and it's cool when things come together like this.

    I'm with Lara, Darcy's letter is very good.

    Your subject is decent but I would cut out a couple more words:

    Add A1 Landscapers to TopServicePros.com and Grow Your Business (ditch the exclamation mark it is implied)

    Also, it puts sort of a play on words with "grow" and the whole landscape thing.

    I would be interested in seeing what you end up with. If you don't want to post it, it would be great if you could e-mail it to me at jpoyer@xprtcreative.com.

    Man, I love this business!

    Jennifer
    XPRT Creative
  • Posted by darcy.moen on 6/20/2006 at 10:21 AM Member
    I tried to be direct in my writing style. The copy is meant to target the right potential customers, and encourage the prospect to ACT. It's all about selling, and not so much about personality. What really counts is the customer's action...if they do not respond and move towards action, you won't make sales.

    I would hope you at least do a split run test (half get offer A, the other half of your list gets offer B). Then, see which letter pulls better. I think you will find the direct call to action letter (even if not your style), generates response.

    While it is nice to have style, I just have to ask, how much style does it take to cover your overhead? Yep, its about the money baby. Sorry to be so brutally honest, but, vanity marketing only assuages one's ego, it does little to generate sales and cash flow. Think long and hard about what you want.

    Darcy Moen
    Customer Loyalty Network
  • Posted by darcy.moen on 6/21/2006 at 1:19 AM Member
    Richard,

    I come from the Jay Abraham/Gary Halbert/David Ogilvy school of thought, with a very direct - results oriented line of thought.

    I'm not put off by your comments, I'm simply driving home the points I learned the hard way.

    Oh, I won't hold your being an engineer against you. One must have goals. I'm sure you might have your own train someday. :-) Kidding! I have a friend who is an engineer. He was hired because he spent a summer running a CollegPro Painter franchise. The firm that hired him said he got the job because it was rare to find an engineer who also has entrepreneur experience, or understood the sales process. You might find yourself in line for a promotion if this little experiment takes wing.

    Looking forward to hearing your results.

    Darcy Moen
    Customer Loyalty Network
BACK TO TOP

Post a Comment

Related Discussions

Community Info

Top 25 Experts
(Advertising/PR)